Marvel Movies Reviews Superheroes

Wild Review: X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Wow! Cyclops made the poster. It’s weird how a static image projects more character than a moving picture does. Also, “Whose side are you on?” I didn’t think that was what this incoherent piece of trash was really about, but what do I know.

When I set out to review a movie I want to make sure that my reviews make sense, that they are coherent enough so people can understand my perspective on the movie and also what the movie is about; I’m not sure if I always succeed in doing that, but that is my aim. Having said that…X-Men: The Last Stand is a pile of shit, coincidentally it was also directed by one–don’t confuse this with the professional asshole from my last two reviews this is a different person who is also a total piece of garbage. Now, I don’t dislike this movie because of the pile of shit that was behind the camera, I dislike it because he somehow displayed his shit on camera for the whole world to see. There are plenty of talented actors in this movie, many which I adore and respect, but that cannot save this movie from being the pile of trash that it is.

This movie pretty much fails on every level. Not only is it poorly directed and written, but it is also as boring as watching paint dry. Actually, I would rather watch paint dry because at least I am accomplishing something by making sure that my work is done, nothing is accomplished in this movie other than misunderstanding characters and basic storytelling.

This story is supposed to be the culmination of everything that has transpired over the past two films, but the only thing it has in common with the previous two films is that it doesn’t know what to do with Cyclops, instead, he gets a shitty off-screen death that fits the absolute nothing of material that he was presented in the previous installments. This movie is supposed to finish Jean Grey’s arc as well, showing her transition into the Dark Phoenix–this movie is the first of two failed adaptations of a classic comic book arc–but instead Jean Grey becomes a lackey to Magneto’s band of weirdo villains who are trying to destroy “cure” for mutants. This cure comes in the form of a character named…who the fuck cares. He is given no more than 10 minutes of screen time at most and serves as an object rather than a character.

The only two things I like are the castings of Kelsey Grammar as Beast (who is not used properly), and the addition of Elliot Page as Kitty Pride (a personnel favorite X-Men character of mine who again is given shit to work with). Also, can someone tell the pile of shit that directed this movie that Juggernaut isn’t a mutant so the Mutant Suppressor Non-Character boy shouldn’t affect his abilities? What does it matter? This movie doesn’t care and why should you. I have a feeling when James Marsden and Patrick Stewart read the script they went and celebrated the fact that they got to be killed off, I know I would rather die than sit through this movie again. There is a possibility that movies like this cause brain aneurysms so watch with caution. Now, you are probably thinking to yourself: It can’t get worse than this…but it does. Next up is X-Men Origins: Wolverine which is even more of a waste of time, although it wasn’t directed by a professional asshole or a pile of shit so it is a move in a proper direction…well the professional asshole does come back at some point.

Rating 1.5/5


WandaVision Debuts Today

Today, on Disney+, the MCU returns! WandaVision starts phase 4 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The show features Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) and Vision (Paul Bettany). The show looks like a trippy take on the television sitcom platform. The season is around 8-9 episodes. Happy viewing!


Nostalgic Reviews: “Aquaman Goes to College” (Adventure Comics #120) (1947)

We bet that you didn’t know that, did you? Aquaman has been to college. In 1947, writer Joe Samachson and artist Louis Cazenueve had the nautical superhero attend university to expand his knowledge of deep-sea animals/creatures. That is an admirable reason for Aquaman to go to school as he hasn’t seen every sea creature that there is. With extra analysis, people who study fish are called “ichthyologists.” It is a branch of the field of zoology.

In the story, Aquaman tells his finny friends that he’s going up to land to study fish after interacting with one that had poisonous spines. The fish with spines made Aquaman sick for a few days, so Aquaman wants to investigate fish that he hasn’t interacted with yet. Aquaman attends Weston College that has the top ICHTHYOLOGIST in the country. You will have that big word memorized by the end of the day. Professor Hatcher, the top ichthyologist, is in charge of the financials of the university. Aquaman overhears Hatcher talking to Mr. Reed, who donates his own money to keep the university open. Mr. Reed tells Hatcher that if the university doesn’t field a winning sports team, he will stop funding the university. Aquaman tells Reed that they will win an upcoming swim meet. Reed says he’ll give the university a million dollars if they win. Aquaman starts dominating the meet, while Mr. Reed is on the ocean with his boat sinking. A finny friend finds its way to Aquaman to relay to him that Mr. Reed may die. Aquaman swims his way to the ocean where he saves Reed with his finny friends and earns the million-dollar donation that Weston needs to keep operating.

The story is brief, but captures the lightheartedness of past Aquaman tales. Samachson crafts an intelligent script with the limited page length that he has. The transition of Aquaman’s academic career to saving Mr. Reed/Weston in the script is well-paced. Aquaman going to college could’ve been inspirational for readers back in the 1940s. Cazanueve is brilliant with his art and the colors make it pop. Some objects are colored oddly in the story, such as Mr. Reed’s ship being purple. The colors of when Aquaman is underneath the ocean has this beautiful, space vibe.

Overall rating: 3.5/5. It’s not a memorable story. It is a pleasing, short story that will make you smile.


Retro Review: More Fun Comics #73 (1941) (Aquaman Debut)

Today, we take you back in time. We love time travel. More Fun Comics #73 released in November of 1941. DC Comics asked DC editor/writer Mort Weisinger in 1941 to create a few new characters. He quickly created three hits: the speedster Johnny Quick, the archer Green Arrow, and the underwater hero Aquaman. Aquaman made his debut in the back pages of More Fun Comics #73. Today’s review is of that debut story written by Weisinger and co-creator Paul Norris that did the art for the book.

In Aquaman’s debut story, we see the nautical superhero take on the Nazis. It was 1941, when the United States was in the middle of World War II. Comics during the time was featuring the war in their stories and Aquaman wasn’t the only superhero fighting the Nazi regime. Weisinger begins the story with suspense as a German submarine is going to attack a small boat filled with men, women, and children that are seeking help. The submarine fires a shell at the boat, then Aquaman’s hand rises from the water. Aquaman grabs the boat, then swims quickly away from the submarine. After Aquaman saves the survivors, he heads straight for the submarine to kick the asses of the Nazis.

In this sequence, there is a shift in the story’s mood. It goes from worrisome to happy. Weisinger liked to have a fusion of suspense and lightheartedness in his scripts. Aquaman busts onto the submarine–throwing punches and delivering hilarious nautical-themed quips. Norris portrays this beautifully with scenes of despair and scenes of enjoyment. Norris features bright colors to give happiness to this tale. You can tell that Aquaman is a tale to bring smiles upon readers’ faces in a time of darkness.

Aquaman defeats the Nazis in the book. Weisinger briefly introduces Aquaman’s origin story quickly in the comic. Across three panels, readers are introduced to Aquaman’s father. It’s not enough to truly get a grasp of who the character is. It is enough to entice readers for more info of Aquaman’s past. Overall, the short story is fun and entertaining for readers to want more.

Overall rating: 4/5.



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Comics Marvel Spider-Man

Miles Morales Mission Review: “New Thwip”

Spider-Man: Miles Morales by Insomniac Games.

Immediately after “Parting Gift,” Peter Parker tells Miles via his new suit’s mask that he has a nearby building for Miles to train and learn a few moves. This is the game’s way to teach players the various ways that Miles is able to fight. These training missions pop up on the map where players can learn new techniques. They’re similar to the Taskmaster and Speedball missions from Marvel’s Spider-Man.

The hologram system that Peter Parker makes is unique. It’s Peter’s way of training Miles, while being away. The technology gives Miles holographic enemies to fight. The training system is similar to Batman Arkham’s augmented reality training. Spider-Man’s A.R. system is better as hearing holographic Spider-Man crack quips makes training better.

Overall rating: 3.5/5.

Comics Gaming Spider-Man

Miles Morales Mission Review: “Parting Gift”

Marvel’s Spider-Man: Miles Morales by Insomniac Games.

At the end of the “Hold Onto Your Web-Shooters” mission, Peter Parker gives Miles Morales a parting gift before he goes away for a few weeks. In this mission, “Parting Gift,” Miles calls his friend, Ganke Lee, to meet him in a snowy Central Park to open this gift. This is the introduction to Miles’ friend, who happens to be a whiz at coding and mobile apps. Ganke Lee is similar to Peter Parker’s friend, Ned Leeds, from the MCU Spider-Man films. Ganke is a sidekick for the Spider-Men.

The gift that Peter leaves is a new Spider-Man suit for Miles. Miles’ first official suit. It’s nothing flashy, but better than the suit that Miles begins the game with. The important thing is the heart and the effort that Peter put into the suit. He cares for Miles. This mission is brief as it’s to introduce Ganke and the new suit.

Overall rating: 4/5.

Comics Marvel

Retro Review of Venom: Lethal Protector #1 (1992)

Written by David Michelinie. Drawn by Mark Bagley. Published by Marvel.

“Venom: Lethal Protector” is the first solo series for the popular Spider-Man foe. The comic released in 1992 as a six-part series. Venom’s story takes place in sunny San Francisco, California. David Michelinie changes Venom from menacing villain to powerful antihero. Michelinie implements one distinguishing characteristic for this new Venom. Venom still hates Spider-Man, though he believes in helping humans.

Mark Bagley is the artist for the first three issues (parts) of the series. His Venom is huge with defined muscles and facial features. An example is when Venom saves a woman from a mugger. Venom smiles at her in his own frightening, yet heartfelt way. Bagley’s renderings of Venom’s face is sharp with strong line work.

Eddie Brock, Venom, is trying to start over in San Francisco. However, this proves difficult as he is wanted for murder. The cops give chase to Brock, who turns into Venom in order to escape police custody. A civilian takes a photograph of Venom, which makes its way to the Daily Bugle in New York via a U.P.I. wire. Michelinie and Bagley use a flashback sequence with white and black panels to detail the vicious rivalry between Spider-Man and Venom. These panels stand for the moral grayness that is Venom. A man, Eddie Brock, and an alien symbiote that both hated Spider-Man for their own reasons. Hatred made Venom evil, then Venom/Eddie Brock changed their heart when Spider-Man saved Brock’s ex-wife. Venom vows to not come after Spider-Man as long as Spider-Man doesn’t come after him. However, Peter Parker/Spider-Man heads to California after the Venom photo surfaces.

Towards the end of the comic, there’s a beautiful contrast of the two characters. Venom is in a park where he’s fighting a gang of mobsters, who are being hateful to a crew of homeless people. Spider-Man appears–assuming that Venom is attacking innocent people. Spider-Man is in the wrong as Venom is doing what he promised in his agreement. The morally sound character, Spider-Man, lets the grayness of Venom confuse him. Their relationship calls in to question the gray matter of what defines a hero. A strong point to build around.

Final evaluation– Lethal Protector is a great start for a Venom series. The analysis of the Spider-Man/Venom relationship drives this comic forward with strong art by Bagley.

Overall rating: 4/5.


Lobster Johnson: The Burning Hand #1

Written by: John Arcudi and Mike Mignola. Drawn by: Tonci Zonjic. Colored by: Dave Stewart. Published by: Dark Horse.

Looking for a mystery to read for Spooktober? Don’t be afraid to dive into the Hellboy universe filled with horror and thrills. There are several series and characters in the universe. Today, let’s examine a story from “Lobster Johnson.” Lobster Johnson is a comic book vigilante that Hellboy grew up reading. Mike Mignola gave the vigilante his own series. The story we’re examining is the first issue of “The Burning Hand.”

It’s the early 1930s in the city of New York. A group of ghostly Indians are attacking people on the streets. They are even harming the cops of New York by scalping them and leaving them tied to street lamps. The Indians try to attack a couple, but they are saved by Lobster Johnson. Lobster Johnson kills the Indians, who aren’t ghosts. In fact, they’re men dressed as ghosts by using gray paint. The cops show up to investigate, who these guys are and why they are killing people. Writers John Arcudi and Mike Mignola set up the mystery of who are these guys working for and what’s their play. Arcudi and Mignola introduce new characters that will have a pivotal role in the story along with Lobster Johnson.

The art by Tonci Zonjic perfectly portrays a noir/pulpy environment for the setting. Dave Stewart’s colors bring these panels to life with bold colors and gloomy shadows. The colors are a minimalist approach that works terrific with colors being bold when they need to be.

Final evaluation – if you’re a fan of noir/crime stories, check out this book. Lobster Johnson is a pulpy superhero that delivers justice similarly to Batman and Punisher.

Overall rating: 4/5.