Categories
Comics

Lonely In Lizard Valley #1: The Professor (Fictional Story)

Joseph Parker is a news reporter for a Culver City news station—WZYT Channel 9 News. He’s in his late forties-early fifties, whose hair is balding. He’s bald on top with brown hair on the sides. He has on a blue button up shirt with a blue tie. He is waiting to go live via a stream that’s similar to Zoom. He turns on his camera and then gets the cue to begin.

“Today, we have an interesting interview today with a scientist from the secretive town Lizard Valley. There are rumors that the town is stuck in a constant time loop. Today, we have professor Lars Kearns via Zoom stream to talk about this mysterious location. Lars, are you there?”

The Zoom stream goes to a split screen. Lars is a skinny, older man in his mid-fifties with hair that’s black and curly. He has on a white dress shirt with a red tie that’s loose on his shirt. There’s a significant blood stain on his shirt. He has on glasses that are crooked on his face. He looks distraught and tired. Parker didn’t expect his guest to look this way.

“Woah…Professor Kearns…are you okay there?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Call me Lars. The locals call me Lars.”

“So, Professor Kearns, tell me what it’s like living in the strange town of Lizard Valley.”

“Oh, it’s bullshit.”

Parker’s eyes grow large. Then he laughs nervously. 

“I’m sorry, Professor, but we can’t curse on air.”

The professor is looking at the bloodstain on his shirt. Then he snaps out of it to look at Parker.

“Oh, sorry,” the professor says.

“I see you looking at a stain on your shirt. Is that blood?”

“Yeah, I shot myself in another failed suicide attempt.” 

“Uh,” says Parker.

Parker chuckles nervously, while sweat appears on his face. Parker’s news producer talks to Parker in his ear piece. 

“Keep going.”

Parker nods and continues on. “So…you attempted suicide?”

“Yeah, it was the…17th time. See…time in Lizard Valley is in a loop. We relive the same day every day. You can do different things. But when the day ends, we start all over again. Also, apparently, we can’t die and we’re immortal.” 

“Wow. Immortality,” says Parker.

“It’s not a good thing. You wanna know why?”

“Why?”

Kearns pulls up his shirt to show his skinny frame and small belly.

“I have stage two stomach cancer. It will never go away. See, I could leave the valley and maybe get treatment. But, the next day, I’ll wake back up here with my body back in the same condition. I could go to Japan for treatment and I’ll somehow be back the next day. See, our brains and thoughts move forward with time, but our bodies don’t. Time always resets itself every day here.”

Parker looks baffled and curious as to what say next. 

“Sounds awful,” says Parker.

“Don’t believe all of these rumors about the town. Don’t get me wrong–it’s a good town for some. Some, like me, it’s bad.”

“May I ask who thinks it’s a good life?”

“The Clarks do! They’re both in their eighties. Apparently they don’t wanna die yet. I guess they’re not tired of looking at each other.”

Kearns brings out a long, brown rope. He looks at Parker.

“You know…when the word got to me that this town was mysterious and it was in a time loop…I had to check it out myself.”

He starts tying the rope into a noose.

“That was a mistake. So fucking stupid. Oh, sorry, I cussed again. I thought that I could fix this town’s temporal crisis. I thought that I could be a hero. Instead, my brain is cooked. 

Kearns gets up from his chair with the noose and stands on the chair. Parker starts to panic.

“Uh, Professor Kearns. Professor Kearns! What are you doing?”

Kearns looks at the camera.

“Killing myself. I’m sleepy. Tired. I need a breather. Gotta deal with this bullshit again tomorrow. Like I said, we can’t die here.”

Kearns puts the noose around his neck.

“I’d say goodbye, cruel world, but it wouldn’t be true. See y’all tomorrow!”

Parker cuts off the feed and makes it single screen. Parker is in shock as he closes his interview. 

“That…that…back to you, Lance.”

Parker stares into his laptop screen in utter shock.

Categories
Fortnite streaming

N1A Streams: Fortnite

It has been a few days since our last stream. Tonight, we’re back with Fortnite. Tune in if you’re bored or want to hear banter on life. We would gladly appreciate it. Stream begins at 6 central time.

Categories
Marvel

WandaVision Debuts Today

Today, on Disney+, the MCU returns! WandaVision starts phase 4 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The show features Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) and Vision (Paul Bettany). The show looks like a trippy take on the television sitcom platform. The season is around 8-9 episodes. Happy viewing!

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Burgers Food Reviews

Wild Burger Review: Big Mouth Bites (Chili’s)

Big mouth bites.

At first glance, the big mouth bites from Chili’s doesn’t look fulfilling on the menu. When they arrive in person, along with a basket of delicious fries, you’ll see that they’re capable of making you full. The buns shine with a sweet, buttery taste. The patties are covered with cheese, onions, bacon, and creamy ranch dressing. We don’t know how you feel about ranch as a condiment, but we like it in certain instances. The ranch pairs perfectly with the other flavors.

The beef isn’t spectacular in taste. The toppings help to bring out its flavor. The fries are perfectly cut and seasoned with salt. Sometimes they are too seasoned. Ranch or ketchup can help combat that. Big mouth bites are a set of mini burgers that I always come back to.

Overall rating: 3/5.

Categories
Gaming streaming

N1A Streams: L.A. Noire

We’re streaming tonight! Tonight, bring your detective hats. We’re going back to the 1940’s. Let’s solve a few crimes and look for clues in seedy Los Angeles. Stream starts around 5:45 p.m.

Categories
Burgers Food

Wild Burger Review: McDouble (McDonald’s)

Prepare for trouble…and make it double.

Today, N1A starts two things. The first is the wild review. These are reviews where we rant and make our audiences laugh. The second is the wild burger review where we steer clear of pop culture and talk about burgers that we tried briefly. Burgers from fast-food chains and different restaurants. Our first wild burger review is the McDouble from McDonald’s.

This burger is as simple as it gets. There’s nothing special to it. It doesn’t look as appealing as McDonald’s tries to make it. It’s two patties with cheese, ketchup, mustard, onions, and pickles. The McDouble is for broke-ass people like me. It’s for the people that are stoned outta their fucking mind and that gets that wild-ass craving for McDonald’s. It’s a burger that you secretly enjoy and secretly know that you could’ve chosen better. It’s your side chick burger that you’re not proud about. It is convenient however. It’s on the dollar menu with the tasty, cheap McChicken. Just get the McChicken with fries.

Overall rating: 1.5/5.

Categories
Comics

N1A Is On Facebook!

We are expanding in our social media platforms! Join us on Twitter and now on Facebook! Social media is important in our growth. We hope to provide you with great content everywhere!

Categories
Comics

150 Followers!

We did it, folks! We reached 150 followers! Thanks for reading all of our reviews. We appreciate it! Let your family and friends know that we’re here for your entertainment needs. We can’t wait to provide you with new content for 2021. Our two-man writing crew works hard. Keep your eyes peeled for new content upcoming.

Categories
Gaming

Evil Dead: The Game Announced!

Bruce Campbell is coming back as Ash! Saber Interactive, the developers of World War Z, are helming this future title based on the Evil Dead franchise. The game will feature co-op and PVP gameplay. In the third-person game, players can play as Ash and friends against the Deadites. Players are also able to play as the Kandarian Demon and lead the Deadites against the heroes. There are multiple maps, such as the cabin in the woods. There are dozens of weapons, such as Ash’s chainsaw. Be on the lookout for this game in 2021.